I Sit Alone by HLZ
I have given out my heart and soul to all who would take it
Of my free will and with full understanding
But now I have nothing left
I sit here and dream of hapiness but I have no center
I am an empty husk drained of life and energy
So I sit here in an empty lab and cry
Playing games in my own mind to remind only of how much I hurt
So I sit alone
and so I dream of the magic bullet
the one thing that will again lend purpose to my life
the thing that reminds me of why I suffer
Truth be known I see no reason
For as weak as my precognition is I see my life
A meaningless lonly affair
No purpose for all I do
I die alone with no one noticing that I was here in the first place
For this I cry
For this I weep
But my soul is dead and no force will change that
I ask only when will it end
HLZ
Longing From The Shadows by HLZ
The world
It rocks in the balance
Dark, light, unknown, unfelt
We walk through the world
Shadows…
Dark, devoid of detail
missing the bits we search for with all we are.
Wandering through the night
Searching…
Looking for another spark…
A kindred
Like the sun, bright beyond belief
For this we seek…
a spark in another
a feeling of self
Our lives we waste this way
looking for a light in the black
We never find it so we endure the misery of the search
Neither happiness in finding
nor contentedness in aloneness
And this misery we believe we must endure
The misery drawing the very life from our skin and bones
Misery left as the sole element of our blood.
HLZ
AND NOW, FROM THE DARK SIDE:
Fire, Ice
Love, Hate, Life, Death
Dreams fulfilled, dreams only dreamed of.
Loss of love, lack of love
Wishes, and smashed feelings.
Fulfillment, Hate, and Pain
The first one we strive for
The second one we try to avoid
The last one is unavoidable.
No guts, no glory
There’s no such thing as glory
and by guts they mean they cut you open
and peruse your insides as an after dinner snack
Glory is a fiction, the only motivation
Is martyrdom
and self fulfillment.
Sometimes I dream, most of the times I avoid nightmares
Nightmares of reality
Showing and knowing everything I wish I didn’t
Like an ant crawling through the forest of astroturf
So I wander through the world
I see the world above and below
The one we all wish for and see on silly TV shows
and Reality
The difference is night and day
The difference is enlightenment and hate
But hate is almost as universally felt as pain
and by definition leads to pain
The kind that rips your soul asunder
and laughs at attempts at reconstruction.
HLZ
HIGH LORD ZEN
I have no inspiration for you today. All I have to tell you is to get a clue. No buy one, make it two, and send me all the spare ones to me. I have no base message of darkness and destruction (I could make one up but what fun is that?). I’ll just have to go out and murder and mutilate. Such fun and entertainment. I have no movie reviews, nothing has managed to sufficiently annoy me that I have to say something about it to everyone. This Zen is going to please all the people who get so truly annoyed at anything I say because I’m not going to say anything. Not only am I not going to say anything, but I’m going to tell you I’m not going to say anything. How’s that for fun? How’s that for joy? No suggestions as to what to do with Bible thumpers (OK, hang them upside down by their toenails and make small incisions in their forehead until they bleed to death). Why don’t I have anything to say? I don’t know, but I’ve been working on this thing for three hours and still don’t have anything to say. So from now on it’s your job to help me write this thing (or I’ll start discussing subatomic nuclear fusion during the fall equinox). Talk to me people, or am I truly just talking to myself when I slave over these things at all hours of the morning after drinking heavily (a great tradition followed by all great authors). You know where the editor is, you know how to unk. Talk to me, people, or you’re going to be stuck with sexist practices of the ancient Aztec people during human sacrifices.
Searching for Black Souls
the High Lord Zen
HLZ
Goodbye in Blood by HLZ
The blood pouring down my arm.
The pain.
I sit here patiently waiting,
Soon the pain will pass.
It drips to the ground.
As I spent my life I am spending my death
Alone.
I can’t say I really mind the physical pain,
It is such a sweet relief from the pain of a broken heart, and a lost soul.
So many people waiting in the wings,
To laugh.
Another drop adds to the puddle.
It is mixed with a tear,
Tears and blood…
This is what I have to show.
To years of perseverance,
The nights spent in misery,
My only company, my own skull.
And I don’t find myself a very sympathetic listener.
More blood. Soon it will end.
I don’t know if it will make me happy,
Maybe it will kill the pain,
Kill the dreams,
Kill the loss,
Kill the memories,
Kill the life,
Kill the soul.
Again I drop a tear,
Again I hurt.
Why did I do this?
Why did I raise the knife?
Was it them?
The lack of them?
More of my lovely red juice is spilt.
The broken, unhealed hearts?
The shattered armor?
the empathy?
the pain?
The tears… The unreturned tears?
I should be out of blood by now.
And the world goes hazy,
And I leave this world the way I spent time in it…
Alone.
HLZ
Dancing in Blood by HLZ
The sky sits ominous and red
Tonight the sky is bloated with blood
And she waits with bated breath for the skyfall
The first drops of the sweet liquid fall upon her face
She turns her head skyward and drinks of the crimson liquid
She laughs a merry and maniacal laugh
She dances in the blood
The blood descends in a torrent
And she dances
The blood begins to permeate her clothes and pour down her body
The blood strikes her face and slowly rolls down her neck
Leaving a bloody trail…
Down from her shoulders and over her breasts
She revels in the feeling
She dances in blood
She drink heavily
She quenches her thirst
And she Laughs a most marvelous laugh.
HLZ