Virtual Illusions

HIGH LORD ZEN

Welcome back my children…It’s three hours after my deadline and I am just beginning this article. Normally, I would like to start these columns with some bit of wit or meaningful insight, then move onto the letters, but tonight I have no wit. And as to meaning there’s no point in me telling you some insight into life, you will ignore it, as you ignored your mother so many times when she told you to stay away from the edge. You only learned when you fell. So telling you to grab life with both hands and suck the marrow out of it will do no good, for you will only learn by experience. Intellectually you will say sucking the marrow out of life is a good idea, I may even inspire one of you to try it. But in truth, only after you have experienced sucking the marrow do you see the inherent good in it. So without further adieu, on to the letters:

Dear High Lord Zen,

What are your plans for the Thanksgiving holidays? Do you celebrate our holidays?

Holidays are meaningless days to glut yourself and indulge yourself with gifts without guilt. Mere excuses. I glut myself on Thanksgiving and receive gifts on Christmas, but the meaning I associate to these days are just that deep. I don’t think of Pilgrims while ingesting a really quality home cooked meal, and as for the birth of Christ…pshaw. Come on, the Christmas Tree is a Germanic pagan symbol if I’m not mistaken. What does that have to do with the birth of Christ? Anyway, since you no know what I’ll be doing on my holidays, let’s get on with the next letter. It seems Bob has decided to join us once again:

To: High Lord Zen
Re: Making mountains out of molehills (Note: this letter is not about padded bras)

Zen, you take me far too seriously. I am a member of another separate order that was intending to accept you…needless to say, after your performance (i.e. shamelessly open pushing of Satanism, as opposed to doing it subliminally), we are no longer considering you. End of issue.

About my sending you anything. Cut me a break…I was off taking a refresher course called “Subverting Authority” on the island nation of Vanuatu. (FYI: It was taught by former California governor and self proclaimed mystical hoser Jerry Brown..) But I’m back…

Hey (looking around cautiously), we haven’t heard a fire alarm in a while have we? Maybe the Ghosts of Hughes’ Past have settled down for a long winter’s nap.

Don’t blame me, I voted for Moses,
High Lord Bob HLB

First off, I did not push Satanism any more than I push any other religion. I don’t categorically condemn it either. I just violently disagreed with a movie that portrayed it as worse than single mothers and felt that if someone was misled by that movie they look at an objective discourse on Satanism. As for your organization: I cannot accept any organization that serves as an outlet for men with small dicks to feel superior to other people by “hazing ” them. That is the most ridiculous concept I have heard. If I am not excepted for who am I, then being tortured by some geek with an inferiority complex who’s into male posturing is not my idea of fitting in. My idea is to find someone who will accept who and what I am. Thirdly, while I support your efforts taking the course, why Brown? Certainly they could have found better teacher. And we both know that the Ghost of Hughes’ Past, like its residents, never sleeps.

Sir High Lord Zen
Knight of the Ping Pong Table
Defender of Wilted Plastic Roses

HLZ