Virtual Illusions

HIGH LORD ZEN

You really don’t want to know how late this article is, so I won’t tell you.

Well, children, what is the High Lord going to spout about this week? Hmmmm? My current entourage have thrown out such mundane and meaningless things as Black History Month (what do I look like, the local representatives of the politically correct society?), spring break (why everyone else is thinking about why should I?), and St. Patrick’s Day (I’m thinking of joining the Irish Culture Appreciation Society [look it up, it really exists...or used to]). But these things haven’t happened yet, so as is my tradition, I can’t discuss these things until they do. It’s part of the messiah’s code of honor (don’t let the future slip to the unenlightened).

An interesting possibility was thrown out by my companions tonight: An in depth discussion of the effects of the blunt object being discovered before the sharp object. With special interest paid to the sociological, economical, and political aspects of ancient history and its basis on the blunt object. We will also begin a theoretical discussion on what would have happened had the sharp object been discovered first…

But since the Hughes Hall RHA is already complaining that I take up too many pages and that I am eating up their operating budget, I’m afraid while I would like to write the hundred page plus dissertation in my spare time, Steve just wouldn’t put them in the stalls. So what’s the point?

Maybe I should move onto letters…but I didn’t get any. Luckily for all involved, I still have two questions left over from last week. The first is:

Do you enjoy any aspects of life? I mean you have stated how you hate holidays, I see them as a break in the monotony. You’ve got to enjoy stuffing your face with food that actually tastes good, unlike, Marri-rot.

Well, actually, as much as I like to think that there is a reason for me to continue, as much as I’d like to say that there is something out there that gives me pleasure, right at the moment I can’t come up with an honest reason to support that claim. Mostly it’s just the moment you choose to ask the question, but since you asked it now I must answer it now. Right now, I’m sitting in my own personal world where everything is perfect. I sit on one of those odd couches (the ones you always see the ancient Greeks lounging in) dictating this fine piece of literature in between mouthfuls of Gummi Bears fed to me by my proverbial army of gorgeous nymphs (redundant) . On a side note, new positions for nymphs are opening all the time so resumes should be sent to the editor. Anyway, let me tell you I’m bored as hell. I’ve done everything you consider exciting and found it wanting. There are a few things I do enjoy, such as: creating universes; telling the inhabitants I’m going to kill them all in 2 days and watch them squirm; creating inexplicable phenomenon and watch child like theorists try and explain them. But most people can’t do that sort of thing. I put it in the rules for this universe. Oh, one thing that does give me pleasure that you can enjoy as well: writing Lord Zen for you all. (and the crowd goes “awwwww!”)

And question number two:

Where do babies come from?

This is quite easy. Really you just have to snap your fingers with the rug rat in mind and bang. They get spontaneously created. At least that’s how I do it.

Humans are a little different. I think it’s in the manual somewhere. Maybe I’ll look it up. Naaaah. After all, the manual is fairly large. Tell you what, send me a self addressed stamped planet and I’ll send you a copy.

Until next week….Nieshelhiem.

Sir High Lord Zen
Knight of the Ping Pong Table
Defender of Wilted Plastic Roses
Etc…etc…

HLZ