Virtual Illusions

HIGH LORD ZEN

No Lord Zen this edition (Midterms)

HLZ

HIGH LORD ZEN (bigger than Ann Landers!!!)
[originally appeared in a 7pt font]

Hello, one and all. Spring Break has come and gone. The snow has come and is going. So what else is new? Mostly nothing. DC can’t deal with snow but we all knew that before. A week is not nearly long enough but that we also knew before. School would be so much more entertaining if we didn’t have to do that homework thing or go to those class things. Though I enjoyed missing many classes because of this snow thing.

Last week or so, Mike Shepard sent an editorial to the Hughes News that I feel compelled to respond to. However in all fairness, I can’t respond to the editorial. I can say that if the security provided by an unquestioning belief in a god gives you happiness, more power to you. However, I was never able to accept the teachings of any church as truth. What gives credence to some 2000 year old documents and calls other 2000 year old documents myths. The difference is belief…not truth. I’ve acknowledged the existence of a god but it’s only sheer arrogance on the part of man that makes us believe it is within our comprehension to understand what this entity is. But as I said, I cannot honestly respond to the editorial because our backgrounds are so vastly different. It appears evident that you grew up with the assumption of the Bible and God as a basic tenant of reality. I grew up most of my life without any religious training until I was 14 or so and may parents decided that we should be Catholic…I refused. But I have a friend who did grow up with a faith. I asked him why he chose to abandon his faith. Not wanting to misquote him (this isn’t the Eagle, you know - ed) or anything, I had him right this up for me.

When I was much younger I was very religious. I spent hours pondering what exactly I should do and should not do., how would God view my dilemmas, just how and why God would watch over us like he does. I even discussed religion with those in other faiths. Then I would spend even more hours pondering what would be the implication if their religion was true. Yet I never questioned the correctness of the Bible and my religious teachers. As years passed I saw many contradictions build up and I began to think my beliefs may be inaccurate. That was mindboggling and traumatic. If my religion wasn’t irrefutably correct, none of my beliefs had any basis, they all were founded in God. Then began the most intense period of my life. I could no longer count on the security of a handbook for life: The Bible. I rethought everything. I no longer believed something was wrong or right because someone else said so.

Even today, I haven’t resolved every question. I still am not as secure with my life as I used to be. Yet something is undescribably and immensely better. I can only succinctly explain with an analogy. Remember the children’s move Dumbo, and how the elephant could fly using his own big ears, yet believed a feather allowed him to because someone else told hi m it would. Later he dropped the feather and was told the truth just in time to save himself. Certainly he held tightly to the feather he could always fly. Yet he’d only ponder the mystical value of the feather. Perhaps he’d think others inferior for having a different feather, or maybe a rock, or maybe nothing. Yet once he knew the truth, he could understand himself. More importantly than understand his big ears, he might appreciate other’s big noses or small feet. In short, he’d lose his simple secure feather model of reality for a more uncertain though more fulfilling model of reality.

I would like to emphasize that if you are happy and secure in your beliefs, there is no reason to change them, but I think it is important to realize that calling on us to repent to your god is a tad bit inconsiderate. But perhaps that’s a hypocritical statement.

Well, I seem to have lost my normal satirical wit, for this issue at least. Too much concentration on serious stuff…oh, well. I got a resume for a nymph sometime before break. I though I would pass on along to you to decide if I should hire her.

Crystal Nymph
The American University
Hughes Hall

Position desire: to be a nymph whom serves the High Lord Zen.

Education: 1992- graduated from The National Nymph Preparatory School

Past Work Experience:

1974-1985

Obedient child nymph

Following orders, fulfilling requests, learning the art of massage and running errands.

Awards, Achievements, and Leadership Positions:

– National Nymph Society

–International Nymph Thespian Society
Titania in “Mid-Summer Night’s Dream”
Fairy Godmother in “Cinderella”

–Editor of “Nymph Oracle”

–Who�s Who in Nymphs

–National Magic Nymph Recipient

–Winner of the most Physically Pleasing Nymph–1990-present

References: Performed at your request…

I might need a reference…by the way I’m still taking resumes.

I also got a letter mostly to the people of Hughes…a request sort of thing. So here it is:

Dear Zen,

Since we mere Hughes Hall mortals have heard of your great powers for so long, I am requesting your aid. Whilst in Scotland over Spring Break, my traveling companion and I, thanks to a bonny young lad from the MacPhearson clan, learned what Scotsman really wear under their kilts…hmmm. We were instantly reminded of a song and are searching earnestly for a copy of it. Dr. Demento’s “Scottish Song,” that contains the line: “Lad, I don’t know where you’ve been but I seen you’ve won first prize.” Please contact!!! Dani at x8169

Thank you for your many compliments. And since my editor just turned and saw how long this is getting and said, “Oh, Zen, Zen,” I’ll leave you now.

Peace, happiness, and the rest of that drek.

Sir High Lord Zen
Defender of the Wilted Plastic Roses
Knight of the Ping Pong Table

HLZ