HIGH LORD ZEN (still taking resumes)

Well folks I’m back…

I’m writing this not only before it is due but during class as well. Normally I don’t get to this till about 2 am. I wonder if the look and feel will be different because of this intensely different atmosphere. I will thy to refrain from giving you a blow by blow on magnetic fields…

Well (I seem to use that word to often as well,) not much going on right now, time continues to dwindle. I’ll refer you to last weeks Hughes news for all relevant prattle related to that… of course at the time of this writing that issue of the Hughes News has not yet seen it’s vast circulation. Get on the ball steve.

The secret is to bang the rock together guys. Now back to our regularly scheduled program.

Speaking of steve he suggested that at the end of the year there be a “Meet Zen Party” this is of course assuming I decide to admit which mortal body my immortal spirit inhabits… (a bit parasitic really… no symbiotic.) That’s still up in the air.

I can see it now Steve (my head priest) announces me in a oh so reverent tones (no stand up allowed) I walk up on stage and 50 bullets bounce harmlessly off of my divine being as all of the people who hate my writings (Samia and Kristen, probably Mike too) shoot me… I laugh a nervous laugh as they all cease to exist. Then my loyal followers swarm me wishing to touch me and be close to my divine presence. Then I shall retire with Crystal Nymph and the writer of the below letter.

Dear Zen,

I think you are totally fucking sexy. I steal your column from the bathroom and paste it to my ceiling so I can dream about you. I really want you, but where do I begin? I suppose I must admire you from a far. Is our love never meant to be? No, No! I will get you one way or another.

Orgasmically Yours,
an admirer from the 6th floor.

Makes me want to have this party, despite that it’s not really my thing. To allow the poor girl who has always loved me from afar… to give her a chance to try and seduce me. It’s the only thing a good and benevolent deity would do… I might do it anyway.

I got another letter last week. Do you know what it was… Do you know? It was that damnedable chain letter again, on the back of the envelope was written the following.

This is your Last chance!! Send it or Guido will come and mush your puny head into a pulp!!!

[Lord Zen’s brilliant blue aura shifts through the spectrum… through purple and indigo to a blood red. The color of anger.] You foolish mortal do you really believe a mere Guido could hurt my divine presence? If he is foolish enough to try he will merely cease to exist because to him it’s just business (and business is business) But you… You have annoyed me… [Lord Zen’s aura shifts to black] When we next meet I shall open your rib cage like a large clam. Then I’ll drop a few hundred choice insects into your now exposed body cavity. We’ll continue the torture by skinning your body of the first few layers of skin give you dip in lemon juice. I’ll pull you out, then After reinserting the insects I’ll force you to listen to achy breaky heart… no you’ll probably like that. You get top 40’s music… just one song… over and over and over again. Then I’ll skin you and dip you in lemon juice again. I’ll continue this until you expire due to pain of listening to top 40’s music or I think of something even worse to do to you. [Lord Zen’s Aura shifts back to blue.]

I’m sorry I got a little carried away. Just watch out, punk.

I did receive a third letter last week a beautifully done resume by the lady of the loft for the soon to be vacant position of Head columnist and patron deity of Hughes hall. But Steve’s replacement, Libby, took it. So I can’t include it in this weeks article but it will be in next weeks honest (otherwise the lady of the loft will beat me senseless.)

All that said and done I will take my leave of you and pass on into obscurity for another week. Does this humble, ego, humble, ego cycle confuse anyone else?

Now I just need a sufficiently trite expression to use as parting words. Ok, here one is: When left to themselves things tend to go from bad to worse. So be sure to meddle in the affairs of EVERYTHING.

This article is beginning to look like a Primus song in it’s inability to end. So…

Sir High Lord Zen
Knight of the ping pong table
Defender of wilted plastic roses