Virtual Illusions

HIGH LORD ZEN

Well my children by my reckoning we have returned from the all desired winter break (must be careful not to insult any particular religions.) I had fun, despite the overwhelming image that I never do. But then it ended this struck me as a particularly bad time for the break to end, I mean right at the end. I was just getting into the full swing of the break and it ended. Personally I think school should not be allowed to begin until at least the 20th. I suggest that everyone skip all classes until you feel it’s time for classes to begin. No one will notice. We have to have some sort of decorum and sense of time off. But no, AU has called us back before our time so what else is new.

The other day I was watching some crazed lunatics crash into other crazed lunatics in an insane attempt to get a ball from one end of a field to another (There were some people making inane comments throughout. I was thinking to myself “I wonder if Battlestar Galactica is on the Sci-Fi channel?” Mind you I didn’t dare speak up or I would risk decapitation. Instead it occurred to me to begin thinking about the deification of sporting events. I imagined the devotees (sports fans) coming before the sacred alter (television) to see the fighting of a crusades like affair. Every once in a while jumping up and screaming because their patron saints beat up on someone else’s patron saints. The devotees sat in rapt attention quoting bits of trivia about there holy warriors and discussing strategy to win the Great Holy War this year. You get the picture.

Maybe it’s a twisted view but the basic truth is that when one of these events are played on television there is more attendance than most churches and more emotional fervor is support of these teams. Mind you I don’t suggest supporting your local church my point is that I personally don’t see what can be so exciting about watching a bunch of other people play sports. I can see the fun of playing yourself but watching other people? What’s the point (I’m getting repetitive so I’ll stop now.)

You will be happy to know that the first letter arrived a couple days ago (probably longer since there is such a delay between when I first write these things and they actually get put up in the hall) so without to much delay I shall print it.

Dear Sir High Lord Zen,

Hello! So what does one write to someone who sends mail via bathroom stall doors?

What is your real name? Why do you write these papers? And I don’t want some story about defending ping pong tables.

Your last issue was definitely your best in my opinion. I Steve continues to slack off, I suggest you go independent. After all, think of the potential profits of being your own publisher? Well… maybe not.

I’ve been swamped with finals too, so I hear ya when you write about how much of a pain in the butt they are. I thought your last questions about the existence of God was the most interesting. You didn’t write your view though. I’ve got my own opinions too, but I doubt you want to hear them seeing how “enlightened” you claim to be.

That is enough for now. If you want to write back, you know where to send it - the bath room. Hey, I can’t have you knowing who I am if you won’t tell me who you are! My alias will be John, a nice uncommon name. If you don’t write back, I ain’t sending anything ever again, I can’t be wasting my time now, can I?

Now time for some answers: If you seek my name look for it, it is known but only if you know where to look. But you shall never hear it from me… Long ago there was the creation and during the creation the rules were set among these rules was the fact that I must never say my name in print, another of the rules is that I continuously question role of the church and other authority figures. A rule I have not fully carried out this year I have found myself to mired in reality to fully appreciate the supernatural and the more weird and bizarre aspects of our lives. I’ve failed to write about dining on Olympus or battling demons in Gehenna. Please accept my most humble (because everyone knows I am nothing if not humble) apologies and I swear upon the lifeblood of my creator to fulfil all parts of my contract again.

As for why I write these papers there are two reasons, first off once upon a time there was a secretary for Hughes Hall, and he asked me, “Yo, Zen, why don’t you write me a column for the Hughes News?” And so it was begun. The Real and supernatural bent and I was pulled through the rift and entreated to entertain. Why I continue rests further in the feeling of freedom one gets from randomly posting whatever I want for the world (well at least Hughes) to read. And so even after that secretary has left I continue to write. Besides someone must defend the wilted plastic roses.

I thank you for the compliment I should hope that as time goes on we will continue to learn and grow and entertain with more skill and style. But hopes are rarely fulfilled short of the use of high explosives. As for my views on the existence of God they are neither simple nor new. Most of the people who have lived in Hughes before have been forced to listen for hours and hours about my beliefs regarding a divine entity. So I am torn between moving on for the veterans or restating things that people have already heard for the rookies. Generally, I choose to move on (besides I’m not really in th mood to spend hours deciding what I believe today, and then spend the time to write it out in form easy for everyone to understand,) but I must stop to say that my views of the divine entity have no more validity than yours. And I always enjoy hearing a fresh idea, anything that will provoke a thought is welcome.

I hope that I have proved sufficiently interesting to cause you to write back in the future, or at least entertaining enough for you to continue to read. Until our paths cross again.

Sir High Lord Zen,
Knight of the Ping Pong Table,
Defender of Wilted Plastic Roses

HLZ