HIGH LORD ZEN

Well children, time has passed and it is time I made some passing comments to my adoring public. Yes, I know I don’t really have an adoring public, but as a god I like to lie about such things to make myself feel (self) important.

I don’t really have a subject so we’ll open it up to the peanut gallery…. And the answer from peanut number 1 is blood. Blood the sweet, the sublime, the nectar, the blood. There are few drinks that can satisfy a divine thirst the way blood can. The still warm taste as you pour it down your throat from the still beating heart of your donor (victim.) Perhaps (like there is any question) I’m a warped and twisted god, but it seems like fun to me, besides the Vampiric Nymph thinks drinking blood is a lot of fun.

This reminds me of a moment of my pre-college days (about 1922 or so.) Me and a friend of mine (Vlad) were eating at one of those obnoxious food courts, (I think I was eating pizza, brad had a cinnabon (and was eating it amazingly slowly.)) We were sitting next to one of those old biddies who drive like 2 miles per hour in the left lane of the beltway during rush hour. So what does Vlad say? “You know this stuff doesn’t really have the same flavor and texture as human flesh.” The conversation went steadily down hill from there. I think human sacrifice came up. The looks we got from the biddy were priceless, damning and fatal, but priceless.

The second suggestion from the peanut gallery is lightswitches. I immediately responded, “Lovely Idea, why didn’t I think of that?” I was quickly informed that the problem was that I wasn’t stoned out of my mind on cinnamon (cinnamon keeps coming up this week, could this have something to do with the phase of the moon, and the alignment of planets? I don’t think so either.) Anyway, Lightswitches are really cool. I mean if there weren’t lightswitches we’d all have to use the clapper, and then we couldn’t make fun of them any more, and that would suck. Any way enough of that subject.

Normally I like to write something substantial (deep and meaningful,) but I made two earlier attempts to write meaningful Lord Zens, but all I got was introspective analysis of my souls, and I know you don’t care or want to care about my souls when you have your own to worry about. So most of you will never get to read those pieces.

Without further ado (yeah, right,) We’ll move to letters which haven’t shown up yet, (but I’m told They’re on their way.) Of course I’m sure I’ll edit out the above when they do show up (or maybe not.)

Your Highest Lordship to whom I’ve made a silent vow of loyalty,

I humbly thank thee for thine mention of me in thy last column. However, I must remedy a confusion of sorts, which mainly deals with semantics. Thou hast said, “large numbers of you never knew and don’t remember her.” This is not possible, for as I am a nymph, I have made my presence known to everyone, albeit in varying physical forms. Thus and consequentially, thou might knowest me in my true form (or one of them), while other beings, mortal or not, know me in another form (physical or otherwise). I beg thee to pardon my insolence in correcting a god, especially one of thy magnitude. I just wanted the plethora of followers thou hast to understand what might have otherwise fucked them up. Also, I thank thee for thy sweet inference that I am either special or beautiful or both. I am truly flattered.

Thine in Servitude,
Thy Vampiric Nymph.

A thousand pardons, I made the inappropriate assumption that you asked that I remember your physical manifestation to my followers. I should have realized the request was to remember the nature of nymphdom to them, allow me to correct my error (or oops.)

Allow me to introduce to everyone the nature of the Nymph, they are the part of us that couldn’t be bothered with growing up. The sweet children who remind us why we bother plodding through this world. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean that they are children they just posses the child’s nature. The nature that allows carefree frolicking in the halls. Each of us posses a little of this kernel, some possess a lot of this kernel, and they are the ones we call nymphs. It is this free roving and loving spirit that I wish to remember to you today. Thus is the nature of nymphdom, mind you the essence of the Vampiric Nymph is blindingly more complex than that. She possesses not only the nature of the nymph, but also the nature of the vampire, and a little bit of the lost child.

Well, I thought I’d have another letter but it hasn’t yet arrived so I’d like to pass on to you a piece of information that I was given the other night: The world is teal with a blue point gray border. Oh, I picked up a new title as well.

Later…

Sir High Lord Zen
Defender of Wilted Plastic Roses
Knight of the Ping Pong Table
Wanderer