Epiphany of the Graduate
I just had one of those terribly obvious realizations that has some far-reaching non obvious ramifications. You want to know what this great realization was? Quite simply the fact that I’m not in school anymore. Seems obvious enough, you’d think I would have thought of it earlier, and I have, but what I failed to realize is that from age 0 to 22ish life is very definably goal oriented. There is always something right around the corner that is going to make things great. An objective that is occupying all of your effort for the moment, but soon you’ll be free. Every thing will change when you can just crawl, walk, use the grown up toilet, stay out after dark, go to school, summer vacation, go to middle school, jr. high, high school, college, graduate from college, and many many other sign post in between. Now we’re here past the last hurdle and got our magic piece of paper. There isn’t anything else on the list to cross off before I’m supposed to be an adult and have a life. The next goal on the list that’s going to change every thing is retirement.
Towards the end of college I grew a fondness for “Carry on my wayward son” by Kansas (of all things) because it bottled that nature. Just a few more hurdles then I could rest. I’ve rested a few years and the song has lost meaning for me but I’m left with a question. What is it that I strive for? Work isn’t for me… any effort there is a required evil to carry on “living” but I have nothing in my life that I strive and has value. It was always artificially grafted to me when I was in school. All effort was directed towards the value adding task of acquiring the magic piece of paper.
But I have the paper now and I’m faced with the realization of having nothing in the “things will be better when…. ” category in my life.