Virtual Illusions

Your Starship Captain just might be a redneck if….

• your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month
• he paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles
• you have a shuttle called “Billy Joe Bob”
• he refers to Klingons as “Critters”
• he refers to Photon Torpedoes as “Popguns”
• he has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum
  foil

• he installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section
• he says “Got your ears on, good buddy” instead of “open hailing
  frequencies”

• he hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen
• he rewires his communicator into his belt buckle
• he keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it
• he says “Yee-Ha!” instead of “Engage”
• he has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser
• he insists on calling his executive officer “Bubba”
• he sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of “Bassmaster”
• he programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens
• he paints the starship John Deere green
• he refers to a Pulsar as a “Blue Light Special”
• he refers to the Mutara Nebula as a “swamp”
• his moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale
• he sings “Lucille” instead of “Kathleen”
• his idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib overalls
• he wears mirrored shades on the Bridge
• his idea of a “gas giant” is that big ol’ XO Bubba after a meal of
  beans
  and weenies

• he sets phaser to “Cajun”

Fiction, Lists, Regional