English to Work Dictionary
December 23rd, 2001
It has been brought to the management’s attention that some individuals
throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of
normal conversation with other employees. Due to complaints recieved
from some employees who are more easily offended, this type of language
will no longer be tolerated. Nonetheless we do realize the critical
importance of individuals being able to properly express their feelings
when communicating with fellow employees. Therefore, a list of code
phrase replacements has bee compiled so proper exchange of ideas and
information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending
our more sensitive co-workers.
| OLD PHRASE | PREFERRED NEW PHRASE |
|---|---|
| No fucking way! | I’m certain that’s not feasible. |
| You’ve got to be shitting me! | Really? |
| Tell someone that gives a fuck. | Perhaps you should check with… |
| Ask me if I give a fuck. | Of course I’m concerned. |
| It’s not my fucking problem! | I wasn’t involved with that project. |
| What the fuck?! | Interesting. |
| Fuck it. It won’t work. | I’m not sure I can implement this. |
| Why the fuck didn’t you tell me sooner? | I’ll try to schedule that. |
| When the fuck do you expect me to do this? | Perhaps I can work late. |
| Who the fuck cares? | Are you sure this is a problem? |
| He’s got his head up his ass! | He’s not familiar with the problem. |
| Eat shit! | Excuse me? |
| Eat shit and die! | Excuse me, sir? |
| Eat shit and die, motherfucker! | Excuse me, I still don’t understand, sir? |
| What the fuck do they want from my life? | They weren’t happy with it? |
| Kiss my ass! | So, you’d like my help with it? |
| Fuck it! I’m on salary. | I don’t think you understand. |
| Shove it up your ass! | I love a “challenge.” |
| Who the hell died and made you boss? | You want me to take care of this? |
| Blow me. | I see. |
| Blow yourself. | Do you see? |
| Another fucking meeting? | Yes, we really should discuss this. |
| I really don’t give a shit. | I don’t think it will be a problem. |
| This place is all fucked up! | We’re a little disorganized. |
| You don’t know what the fuck you’re doing! | I think you could use more training. |
| He’s a fucking prick! | He’s somewhat insensitive. |
| She’s a ball-breaking bitch! | She’s an aggressive go-getter. |