Virtual Illusions

Just a little bit of good ol boy joshin….

1. Their #1 product would be Microsoft Winders
2. Instead of an hourglass icon you’d get an empty beer bottle
3. Occasionally you’d bring up a window that was covered with a Hefty
   bag
4. Dialog boxes would give you the choice of “Ahh-ight” or “Naw”
5. Instead of “Ta-Da!”, the opening sound would be Dueling Banjos
6. The “Recycle Bin” in Winders ‘95 would be an outhouse
7. Whenever you pulled up the Sound Player you’d hear a digitized drunk
   redneck yelling “Freebird!”
8. Instead of “Start Me Up”, the Winders ‘95 theme song would
   be Achy-Breaky Heart
9. PowerPoint would be named “ParPawnt”
10. Microsoft’s programming tools would be “Vishul Basic” and
    “Vishul C++”
11. Winders 95 logo would incorporate Confederate Flag
12. Microsoft Word would be just that: one word
13. Instead of WWW servers, Microsoft would have KKK servers
14. New Shutdown WAV: “Y’all come back now!”
15. Instead of VP, Microsoft big shots would be called “Cuz”
16. Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans Am
17. Microsoft Office replaced with Micr’sawft Henhouse
18. Four words: Daisy Duke’s Screen Saver
19. Well, the first thing you know, old Bill’s a billionaire
20. Speadsheet software would include examples to inventory dead cars in
    your front yard
21. Flight Simulator replaced by Tractor pull Simulator
22. Microsoft CEO: Bubba Gates
23. Redman plug’n'play interface.
24. They could still use Ky-row as code name for next upgrade, but Albenny
    would be the one after that.
25. Screen saver would be a kudzu vine which would consume your program
    manager.
26. Instructions for use would include “mash the control key.”

Microsoft