More Urban Legends
BURGLAR LOSES FINGER
WOOD RIVER, Ill. (Belleville News-Democrat, 09-09) - While trying to steal
an 800-pound safe, a burglar left behind a very crucial piece of evidence - his
finger. Police found the finger while investigating a burglary at Chico’s
Lounge. A quick check at area hospitals revealed their suspect - Cary Rider, 43,
of Ohio.
“While he was moving the safe, the safe came down on his finger,” said
Police officer William Wheeler.
It was too late for doctors to attempt reattachment
surgery. “By the time we found it, a couple of hours had gone
by,” said Wheeler.
HA, I WIN!
AKRON, Ohio (AP, 09-05) - A friendly wrestling match at a family
reunion turned ugly when one man bit off a piece of a cousin’s tongue.
Antoine Gaiter pinned down his 22-year-old cousin, then bit off a piece of his
tongue. Gaiter, 35, had been charged with assault. Doctors failed to reattach
the severed tongue.
DROP YOUR SOCK!
MIAMI (Reuter, 09-09) - Police shot and wounded a man after they
mistook a sock for a weapon.
Bobby Whipple had covered his hand with a sock to work on his car when 14
police officers surrounded him demanding “he puts down his weapon.” Five
officers opened fire when Whipple failed to “disarm” himself.
“Witnesses said that he had a gun and the officers assumed they were
correct … He took the position of an aggressive stance,” said a police
spokesperson.
Whipple, 27, is listed in good condition at Jackson Memorial
Hospital.
LOW LIFE
GLOUCESTER TOWNSHIP, NJ (CNN, 09-09) - The man who robbed an
8-year-old girl of the $30 she earned from her lemonade stand was
arrested after he tried to snatch the purse of an 82-year-old woman. Amy
Reader opened the lemonade stand to help raise money for her out-of-work
parents.
Brian James burns, 30, was arrested a few days later after snatching a
woman’s purse. He was jailed instead of $17,000 bail.
UNDERWEAR BANDIT
KLAMATH FALLS, Ore. (AP, 09-04) - It didn’t take long for police to
arrest Brant E. Kirk for burglary. Kirk, 21, left his wallet and shorts
in the front yard of the house he burglarized. Kirk, wearing only his
underwear, fled the scene after he assaulted one of the residents. The
“underwear bandit” was captured a few hours later. He was charged with
criminal mischief, burglary and assault.
VERY HUNGRY MEN
ROMEO, Mich. (AP, 09-04) - Nothing was going to stop John St. Clair and
Henry Kirst from getting to the Romeo Peach Festival’s all-you-can-eat buffet.
Not even a plane crash.
Their single-engine plane stalled, crashed and skidded upside down for
about 50 yards. St. Clair, 82, and Kirst, 71, asked a passing motorist for a
ride for the rest of the way.
Neither St. Clair nor Kirst mentioned the accident to any of the 100
guests attending the buffet. Only about 90 minutes later they mentioned
their accident to the airport manager who immediately drove to the crash
site.
“They’re lucky men,” said airport
manager Robert Brereton. “I looked at the
airplane and I said, ‘My goodness.’”
NO HAND, NO MONEY
NORFOLK, Va. (AP, 09-11) - The man who cut off his right hand because
he thought it was possessed by the devil has lost his lawsuit against the
doctor who followed the man’s request not to reattach it. Thomas Passmore,
33, sawed off his right hand when he saw the number 666, a biblical
reference to the antichrist, on his hand. Witnesses say Passmore recalled
the Bible verse “If thy right hand offend thee, cut it off and cast it from
thee,” seconds before cutting it off. He refused to let doctors reattach
it.
“My client is, of course, disappointed,” said Passmore’s attorney,
Robert Brown.
THE LAWYER FROM HELL
FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. (NT, 09-05) - Defendant Mark Gusow did not think
his attorney was handling his perjury case well, so he fired her. Attorney
Laura Morrison did not take the dismissal well. She invited her client
outside the courtroom where she attacked him.
The 52-year-old, 150 pounds woman grabbed Gusow,
36 and 140 pounds, in a headlock, scratched his face and blocked his way
as he was trying to get free.
“She went bananas when I told her I wanted her off my case,” said
Gusow. “You never expect to be attacked by your own lawyer in the
courthouse.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
Speech to the nation by Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi which was
broadcast by Libya’s state-run television:
“The Western countries might invade you one day because of your
sun. They don’t have sun to produce solar energy, and Libya is a sunny
country and is the best placed on the planet towards the sun. Sand is a
raw material and the Libyan sand is of high quality. They might
colonize you for your watermelons, which are excellent because of the
quality of Libya’s sand,” said Gaddafi. “Libya has more than 1,200 km
(750 miles) of coast on the Mediterranean. They might colonize you for
that. The Libyan dates cannot be matched. They might want to colonize
you for that. The camel is also a reason for them to invade Libya. The
camel is unique because he can go for months without drinking. He also
has good milk,” Gaddafi added.
IN OTHER BIZARRE NEWS:
- A 77-year-old driver accidentally shot his wife who was sitting in the
passenger seat of their vehicle. John MacWillie, an ex-cop from Hungtington
Beach (Calif.), said he felt threatened by men in another car when he pulled out
his gun and fired. - The 4-foot-6 Hong Kong man who killed and dismembered his prostitute
lover when she called him a “bloody dwarf” was cleared of murder and was only
charged with a lesser crime of manslaughter. He was sentenced to five years in
jail. - Several Anamosa State Penitentiary inmates, responsible for
producing vehicle license plates, were disciplined for dropping the letter
“C” on some Cass County license plates. The new distinctive plates read
“Ass County.” - Two teenagers who tried to become vampires by exchanging blood were
charged in a juvenile court. Frank Doyle III, 17, was charged with assault
although Brandon Hettinger asked him to inject his blood. Hettinger, 13,
was charged with being an unruly child. - A bank robber was arrested at a Wendy’s restaurant next door to the
bank. The suspect didn’t even get a chance to bite into his cheeseburger
combo meal. - A Helsinki woman was arrested for driving with more alcohol in her
blood that could be measured in a breath test. The 40-year-old woman was
taken to a hospital after maximizing the police breath test unit. The
hospital equipment recorded her alcohol blood level at 4.5 grams.