Things You Don’t Want to Overhear Over an Airline P.A. System
December 28th, 2001
- Ocean crossing flight: This is your Captain
speaking, I just
wanted to take this time to remind you that your
seat cushions can be
used as floatation devices. - Hey folks, were going to play a little game of
geography trivia.
If you can recognize where we are, tell your
flight attendant and
receive an extra pack of peanuts. - Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up
perspective of the
local terrain. I assure you that it’s all part of
our airlines new
commitment to make your a flight a sight seeing
extravaganza. - Goose! Bogey at 2 o’clock….one on our
tail!!!! Eject!!!!
Eject!!!!!!! - ummmmmm….Sorry……(silence)
- (As the plane turns around right after
takeoff)….uhhhhh….we
have to go back ….we ..we ….uhhhhhh
….forgot something….. - I’m sure everyone’s noticed the loss of an
engine, however the
reduction in weight and drag will mean we’ll be
flying much more
efficiently now. (ironic note: this is actually
true for prop
aircraft!) - Fasten your seatbelt. (same tone your friend
with the suicidal
driving tendencies uses when you get in the car) - This is your Captain speaking….these darn
planes are a lot
different than the ships I’m used to..so you’ll
have to give me some
leeway…… - It would be a good idea if right now everyone
closed their shades
and watched the in-flight movie. - We’ve now reached our cruising altitude of
20,000 feet and… Oh
no… - Don’t worry that one is always on E…
- Get the parachutes ready…
- Drinks are on me…or I’ll have what the
Captain’s having…