Collected Quotes
Relationships are hard. It’s like a full-time job, and we should
treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave
you, they should give you two weeks’ notice. There should be severance
pay and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.
The Lord’s Prayer is 66 words, the Gettysburg Address is 286
words, there are 1,322 words in the Declaration of Independence,
but government regulations on the sale of cabbage total 26,911 words.
in the Oct. 24th issue of National Review
“Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I’m halfway through
my fishburger and I realize, Oh my God….I could be eating a
slow learner.”
“I think that’s how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in
New York said, ‘Gee, I’m enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it
just isn’t cold enough. Let’s go west.’ ”
What is Windows 95/8?
Windows 95 is a 32-bit extension for a 16-bit patch for a 8-bit
operating system which was originally coded for a 4-Bit microprocessor
by a 2-bit company that can’t stand 1-bit of competition. 
“It is by caffeine alone that I set my mind in motion; it is by the cans of
cola that the thoughts acquire speed, hands acquire shaking, the shaking
becomes a warning; it is with caffeine alone that I set my mind in motion.”
“The hypothalamus is one of the most imporotant parts of the brain, involved
in many kinds of motivation, among other functions. The hypothalamus controls
the Four F’s: 1. fighting; 2. fleeing; 3. feeding; and 4. mating.”
“There are moments when, even to the sober eye of reason, the world
of our sad humanity may assume the semblance of hell.”
“If the Narns all stood together in one place and hated all at the
same time, that hatred would fly across dozens of light years and reduce
Centauri Prime to a ball of ash - that is how much they hate us.”
“Lord Grant Me the Serenity to Accept the Things I Cannot Change.
The Courage To Change the Things I Can,
And the Wisdom to Hide the Bodies of Those People I Had to Kill
Because they Pissed Me Off.”
“Religiones antiquae et arma ridiculae non comparant cum bono telo
eruptionis igneae latero te, puer.” ["Ancient religions and hokey
weapons are no match for a good blaster at you side, kid"]
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
The graduate with a Science degree asks, “Why does it work?”
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, “How does it work?”
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?”
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian
because I hate plants.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely
rearranging their prejudices.