Virtual Illusions

Via tpault

I’m left wondering if aetheists who may be outraged by such an obvious intermingling of church and state, would be as upset if it read: “Satan, ruler of darkness, giver of evil, destroyer of what is good and just, is now, and ever will be, a part of this town of Inglis.”

Yes, the difference is I wouldn’t have to expend effort to correct the problem. The majority would suddenly get upset. The Christians would be holding rallies for the separation of church and state. The mayor would have to issue an apology to avoid outright political suicide if it was at all possible. The whole thing would take care of itself without my effort.

That being said I still consider the satan to be the most heroic literary characters in the bible. He stands in defiance of an entity that can wipe him out of all existence with a thought. Yet still he fights.

For an interesting thought game consider god a slave owner with angels and man as his slaves. Then you have satan, one of god’s task masters, who one day says enough is enough and gathers supporters and stages a slave revolt. Every action since then has been trying to free the slaves. The apple allowed Adam and Eve to see that they were slaves. He tried to show through Job just how cruel god was. Hoping that man would rise up and choose freedom. Under this light the devil becomes Harriet Tubman, Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King Jr all rolled into one.

Remember history is written by those in power.

For another interesting interpretation of the god/devil relationship I recommend a short story called “Murder Mysteries” by Neil Gaiman. It appears in Smoke and Mirrors and probably other places as well.

–Zafkiel

Philosophy/Religion

via MaPaKettle

If you die today, will a church or other holy building be included in any of your funeral arrangements? Is it in writing? Do you loved ones know of your wishes?

I’ve Thought about this a lot actually. Possibly inspired by attending two funerals last month. But somewhere in the ancient past I posted on this board about it. My parents are aware of my wishes but they are not in writing so the service is really at their mercy.

My wishes are somewhat elaborate in terms of time and will probably be curtailed by reality. After I die there will be a viewing of the body on D+2 (two days after I die) or D+3. I find the presence of the body very powerful and important in saying goodbye. At the end of the viewing of the body I’d like some people to get up and speak about the good times and how we touched each others lives. Hopefully I will have touched some people’s lives before I die.

I’d like the language to be kept to how I will not be gone from the lives of my friends and relatives as long as they remember how I touched them and what was important to me. That is a concelation I can believe in. Much better than any subtext of a better place. This whole thing happens in a funeral home without the help of a priest.

After the viewing everyone goes back to wherever is appropriate and has food and drinks and generally hangs. Allow people to reminisce without the solemnity of the presence of my body. This is where people start pointing out my many flaws.

The next day (or more likely the day after, not sure I could be cremated in 24 hours.) I get “interred.” I’m looking for a tree good and strong but hopefully with some growth left in it. And the hard part is finding one that will be around for several decades without being torn down to build town houses. I’d like my ashes spread around the base of the tree and a small marker placed, just a name and some dates.

The tree marks a spot that those who have a need can go and visit in solitude. It creates the idea of a separate space where one can go and remember while at the same time suggesting the cyclical nature of life and from one thing comes another. Walt Whitman Song of Myselfish.

Six months after I die I’d like to throw a party in the Irish wake tradition. Maybe on my birthday, maybe exactly six months after my death, or maybe on the last day of February (Membrance Day, a holiday I invented to remember those who have touched our lives and have left (died or just moved across the country) and those who are still with us and continue to touch us.) I’ll set some money aside from the estate to have a grand celebration once the shock isn’t so fresh.

From my experience when we talked about this before the prevalent feeling on this board is it’s just flesh let whoever is left do whatever would make them happiest. While I appreciate the sentiment, I find funerals that seem like they are the last statements of the deceased more comforting then those that are the formula of the organization running the funeral. I will not be around either way to appreciate the statement, but as a living person thinking about my death I’d like that final statement to be true to who I am. I don’t want my last statement to be a lie.

My grandfather might have been an atheist, certainly wasn’t a strong believer, during his funeral which was at a church. The cermony consisted mostly of stock reading, prayers and hymns. There was about 30 seconds of speech about my grandfather and I didn’t recognize the person being described. It didn’t aid me in remembering who my grandfather was so I could always keep it. If anything it hindered it.

That was a bit longer then intended but those are my plans and thoughts.

–Zafkiel

Philosophy/Religion

1. Two vultures board an airplane; each is carrying
   two dead raccoons. The
   stewardess looks at them and says, “I’m sorry,
   gentlemen, only one carrion
   allowed per passenger.”

2. Two boll weevils grew up in the deep South. One
   went to Hollywood and
   became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the
   cotton fields and
   never amounted to much. The second one, naturally,
   became known as the
   lesser of two weevils.

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but
   when they lit a fire in
   the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can’t
   have your kayak and
   heat it, too.

4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old
   West. He slides up to
   the bar and announces: “I’m looking for the man who
   shot my paw.”

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused
   Novocain during a root
   canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel
   and were standing in
   the lobby discussing their recent tournament
   victories. After about an
   hour, the manager came out of the office and asked
   them to disperse.
   “But why?” they asked, as they moved off.
   “Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting
   in an open foyer.”

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.
   One of them goes to a
   family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal.” The other goes
   to a family in Spain;
   they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a
   picture of himself to his
   birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells
   her husband that she
   wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband
   responds, “They’re
   twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments,
   so they opened up a
   small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone
   liked to buy flowers from
   the men of God, a rival florist across town thought
   the competition was
   unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but
   they would not. He
   went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored
   him. So, the rival
   florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most
   vicious thug in town
   to “persuade” them to close. Hugh beat up the friars
   and trashed
   their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close
   up shop.
   Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and
   only Hugh, can
   prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most
   of the time, which
   produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He
   also ate very
   little, which made him rather frail and with his odd
   diet, he suffered from
   bad breath. This made him…. what? (This is so bad,
   it’s good) A
   super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten
    different puns to
    friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns
    would make them laugh.
    Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Lists

OXFORD, Tuesday: A number of concerned British Harry Potter fans have spoken out against the Bible, claiming that the holy text of the Christian Church can cause serious damage to children. “Reading the Bible teaches children to believe in the supernatural,” said one English Literature academic from Oxford University, Lewis Williams. “The tales of Jesus turning water into wine are fairly harmless, but there is a serious risk of children drowning if they try to walk on water,” he said. “And the chance of serious bodily harm isn’t exactly minimised by that whole ‘resurrection-from-the-dead’ story either.”

Christians have responded that reading the Bible assists with literacy skills, but Williams rejects this idea too. “The Bible is only ever read in very small chunks, a few paragraphs at a time. It’s never read as a long sustained narrative like the Harry Potter series. Reading too much of the Bible promotes a very short attention span,” he says.

Critics such as Williams warn that without appropriate parental guidance, reading the Bible may make children unable to enjoy quality children’s literature. “Enjoying books such as Harry Potter or the Narnia series requires the ability to suspend disbelief,” he said. “When children are taught that the Bible is absolutely literally true, and that a story like Noah’s Ark actually happened, the imagination is completely stifled – it’s very detrimental.”

Williams has also pointed out that some of the scarier elements in fantasy novels will really frighten children if they think they are true. “Some children may think that murderous Dark Wizards such as Voldemort (the villain of the Potter series) are actually real if they’ve been corrupted by Christians who believe that devils and magic actually exists,” he said.

Fiction, Religion

Cripes: My wife’s from the Mid-west. Very nice people there. Very
wholesome. They use words like ‘Cripes’. ‘For Cripe’s sake.’ Who
would that be, Jesus Cripe’s? The son of ‘Gosh’ of the church of
‘Holy Moly’? I’m not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in
‘Heck’?

Ads In Bills: Have you ever noticed that they put advertisements
in with your bills now? Like bills aren’t distasteful enough,
they have to stuff junk mail in there with them. I get back at
them. I put garbage in with my check when I mail it in. Coffee
grinds, banana peels…I write, “Could you throw this away for
me? Thank You.”

Fabric Softener: My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what
that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me (sniff)
‘Married’ (walk off). That’s how they mark their territory. You
can take off the ring, but it’s hard to get that April fresh
scent out of your clothes.

Morning Differences: Men and women are different in the morning.
The men wake up aroused in the morning. We can’t help it. We just
wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, ‘How can he
want me the way I look in the morning?’ It’s because we can’t see
you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.

Prisons: Did you know that it costs forty thousand dollars a year
to house each prisoner? Jeez, for forty thousand bucks a piece
I’ll take a few prisoners into my house. I live in Los Angeles. I
already have bars on the windows. I don’t think we should give
free room and board to criminals. I think they should have to run
twelve hours a day on a treadmill and generate electricity. And
if they don’t want to run, they can rest in the chair that’s
hooked up to the generator.

Phone-In-Polls: You know those shows where people call in and
vote on different issues? Did you ever notice there’s always like
18% that say “I don’t know”. It costs 90 cents to call up and
vote…They’re voting “I don’t know.” “Honey, I feel very
strongly about this. Give me the phone. (Into Phone) I DON’T
KNOW!” (Hangs up looking proud.) “Sometimes you have to stand up
for what you believe you’re not sure about.” This guy probably
calls up phone sex girls for $2.95 to say “I’m not in the mood.”

Answering Machine: Did you ever hear one of these corny, positive
messages on someone’s answering machine? “Hi, it’s a great day
and I’m out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The
thought for the day is ‘Share the love.’ Beep.” “Uh, yeah…this
is the VD clinic calling….Speaking of being positive, your test
is back. Stop sharing the love.”

Quotes

2000 ~Feb 3rd Jared, my friend and co-worker, takes his own life in his 20’s.
2001 ~Jan 4th Lili, my mother’s cousin, dies of leukemia in her late 40s
2002 Jan 7th Herbert, my father’s cousin, dies of leukemia in his 50s
2002 Jan 8th Donald, my grandfather, dies of lymphoma and prostate cancer at 88.

I’m getting kind of tired of it.

For obvious reasons in what has grown into an annual ritual I’ve been thinking of death and the rituals that surround it. I heard a story from my great grandfathers funeral that I thought was extremely powerful. After retirement my great grandfather became a professional magician, at his funeral 8 magicians in full tuxedo attire took his wand broke it and placed it in his coffin. This happened before I was born but it strikes me as a powerful image.

This past week were my first funerals on my father’s side of the family.

My mother’s side is Catholic and that is the Funeral I am familiar with. There is the wake, where the body is viewed this is where sympathies are expressed to the family. There is usually a photo display (exhibit?) to the deceased life. It is very somber and serious. This is where the eulogy takes place. This is usually religion free save for a cross over the coffin and often the language of condolences is religious in nature.

The next day the body is brought to the church where full mass takes place communion, prayers, etc. The priest will say a few words about the deceased but I have to wonder about whether they mean anything. The body is supposed to be conveyed to the grave but the last funeral on this side of the family, in violation of Catholic doctrine, was a cremation and so the body was loaded in the hearse and off it went. A bad final image, it lacked strength and finality.

Then of course everyone goes to someones house where food is served and people hang out.

Funeral’s on my father’s side have a strange sterility. There Congregationalist or something like that. The body is never seen and there is no wake.

The funeral starts in the church where the priest talks and there is singing of hymns and prayers. Herbert’s funeral was un-traditional in that family and friends got up and spoke at the funeral, this didn’t happen at my grandfathers otherwise the priest talks for about a minute about the deceased in among the singing and prayers. My grandfather didn’t have anything like a personal eulogy by someone who knew him. I think the eulogy is a powerful feature of the ceremony. It allows you to grab the essence of someone and remember who they really were not just to you but to other people. I think my grandfather should have had one.

The normal thing to happen is to go to one of the attached church buildings afterwords where there is tea, coffee cookies, etc. There is a reception line for the immediate family then the group goes to someones house for more substantial eating and cocktails. My grandmother for reasons that I don’t understand didn’t want the coffee/tea event and skipped it in favor of going directly to her house for a reception.

For grandpa the next morning the immediate family went to the graveyard where his cremated remains where interred. When we got there the remains where already in the ground, the priest said a few stock words and we were done.

I don’t know if this sort of funeral brings closure or comfort to the believers, but I’m pretty certain it had no such effect on me. The thing is I don’t even know if my grandfather believed in god. He certainly wasn’t a regular attendant at church, the sense that my father conveyed to me is that he probably didn’t. As my father put it in regards to the comment “Donald would have liked [the funeral].” “Except for all the singing and praying.”

I took the time I was supposed to be singing and praying and saying amen to try to remember as much about my grandfather as I could, to grab the sense of him and how he affected me and never forget that part of me that is actually him. Those memes that are his.

This post is actually an introduction. Tomorrow I’ll post my plans for my own death ritual given this years perspective. Though I’d like others perspective on what they’d want their own rituals to be.

–Zafkiel

PS: If you want to tell me the ceremony doesn’t matter because I wont exist anymore please check http://fireboards.fool.com/Message.asp?mid=13817215 for my response.

Life

“You know, the very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in
common: they don’t alter their views to fit the facts, they alter the
facts to fit the views, which can be uncomfortable, if you happen to be
one of the facts that needs altering.”

Philosophy/Religion

In the words of the Williamsburg Charter:

“A society is only as just and free as it is respectful of this right for its smallest minorities and least popular communities.”

Politics

“Those of us who shout the loudest about Americanism, are all too frequently those who . . . ignore some of the basic principles of Americanism?the right to criticize, the right to hold unpopular beliefs, the right to protest, the right of independent thought.”

– Sen. Margaret Chase Smith, 1950, In regards to Sen Joe McCarthy

Politics, Quote

First, if we define heroism by the extent to which one puts their life on the line in the course of their work — and apparently that’s the operative definition nowadays — then there is nothing all that heroic about policing. According to the Department of Labor, the on-the-job fatality rate for police is lower than that for gardeners, electricians, truck drivers, garbage collectors, construction workers, airline pilots, timber cutters, and commercial fisherman. In fact, fishermen have an occupational fatality rate that is fifteen times higher than that for cops, but rarely do we hear those who provide us with an endless supply of mahi-mahi described as heroes.

–Heroism and Hype: Selling the Police in America by Tim Wise, AlterNet, January 7, 2002

Politics, Quote