1. Two vultures board an airplane; each is carrying
    two dead raccoons. The
    stewardess looks at them and says, “I’m sorry,
    gentlemen, only one carrion
    allowed per passenger.”

  2. Two boll weevils grew up in the deep South. One
    went to Hollywood and
    became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the
    cotton fields and
    never amounted to much. The second one, naturally,
    became known as the
    lesser of two weevils.

  3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but
    when they lit a fire in
    the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can’t
    have your kayak and
    heat it, too.

  4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old
    West. He slides up to
    the bar and announces: “I’m looking for the man who
    shot my paw.”

  5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused
    Novocain during a root
    canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

  6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel
    and were standing in
    the lobby discussing their recent tournament
    victories. After about an
    hour, the manager came out of the office and asked
    them to disperse.
    “But why?” they asked, as they moved off.
    “Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting
    in an open foyer.”

  7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.
    One of them goes to a
    family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal.” The other goes
    to a family in Spain;
    they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a
    picture of himself to his
    birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells
    her husband that she
    wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband
    responds, “They’re
    twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”

  8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments,
    so they opened up a
    small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone
    liked to buy flowers from
    the men of God, a rival florist across town thought
    the competition was
    unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but
    they would not. He
    went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored
    him. So, the rival
    florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most
    vicious thug in town
    to “persuade” them to close. Hugh beat up the friars
    and trashed
    their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close
    up shop.
    Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and
    only Hugh, can
    prevent florist friars.

  9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most
    of the time, which
    produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He
    also ate very
    little, which made him rather frail and with his odd
    diet, he suffered from
    bad breath. This made him…. what? (This is so bad,
    it’s good) A
    super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

  10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten
    different puns to
    friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns
    would make them laugh.
    Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.