via MaPaKettle

If you die today, will a church or other holy building be included in any of your funeral arrangements? Is it in writing? Do you loved ones know of your wishes?

I’ve Thought about this a lot actually. Possibly inspired by attending two funerals last month. But somewhere in the ancient past I posted on this board about it. My parents are aware of my wishes but they are not in writing so the service is really at their mercy.

My wishes are somewhat elaborate in terms of time and will probably be curtailed by reality. After I die there will be a viewing of the body on D+2 (two days after I die) or D+3. I find the presence of the body very powerful and important in saying goodbye. At the end of the viewing of the body I’d like some people to get up and speak about the good times and how we touched each others lives. Hopefully I will have touched some people’s lives before I die.

I’d like the language to be kept to how I will not be gone from the lives of my friends and relatives as long as they remember how I touched them and what was important to me. That is a concelation I can believe in. Much better than any subtext of a better place. This whole thing happens in a funeral home without the help of a priest.

After the viewing everyone goes back to wherever is appropriate and has food and drinks and generally hangs. Allow people to reminisce without the solemnity of the presence of my body. This is where people start pointing out my many flaws.

The next day (or more likely the day after, not sure I could be cremated in 24 hours.) I get “interred.” I’m looking for a tree good and strong but hopefully with some growth left in it. And the hard part is finding one that will be around for several decades without being torn down to build town houses. I’d like my ashes spread around the base of the tree and a small marker placed, just a name and some dates.

The tree marks a spot that those who have a need can go and visit in solitude. It creates the idea of a separate space where one can go and remember while at the same time suggesting the cyclical nature of life and from one thing comes another. Walt Whitman Song of Myselfish.

Six months after I die I’d like to throw a party in the Irish wake tradition. Maybe on my birthday, maybe exactly six months after my death, or maybe on the last day of February (Membrance Day, a holiday I invented to remember those who have touched our lives and have left (died or just moved across the country) and those who are still with us and continue to touch us.) I’ll set some money aside from the estate to have a grand celebration once the shock isn’t so fresh.

From my experience when we talked about this before the prevalent feeling on this board is it’s just flesh let whoever is left do whatever would make them happiest. While I appreciate the sentiment, I find funerals that seem like they are the last statements of the deceased more comforting then those that are the formula of the organization running the funeral. I will not be around either way to appreciate the statement, but as a living person thinking about my death I’d like that final statement to be true to who I am. I don’t want my last statement to be a lie.

My grandfather might have been an atheist, certainly wasn’t a strong believer, during his funeral which was at a church. The cermony consisted mostly of stock reading, prayers and hymns. There was about 30 seconds of speech about my grandfather and I didn’t recognize the person being described. It didn’t aid me in remembering who my grandfather was so I could always keep it. If anything it hindered it.

That was a bit longer then intended but those are my plans and thoughts.

–Zafkiel