From Allusions to Illusions
Just a little bit of good ol boy joshin….
Their #1 product would be Microsoft Winders
Instead of an hourglass icon you’d get an empty beer bottle
Occasionally you’d bring up a window that was covered with a Hefty
bag
Dialog boxes would give you the choice of “Ahh-ight” or “Naw”
Instead of “Ta-Da!”, the opening sound would be […]
WORF: Captain, there are three Romulan warships uncloaking dead ahead.
PICARD: On screen.
The main viewing screen changes to a pattern of horizontal lines, each only a single pixel wide.
PICARD: Data, what’s wrong here?
DATA: Captain, the main viewscreen does not have sufficient video memory to display an image of this size. May I suggest that you select […]
Redmond, WA — Microsoft Corporation chair, CEO and all-around babe magnet Bill Gates announced yesterday the introduction of a new product for Windows 95: Microsoft Panhandling.
“The idea came to me the other day when a homeless man asked me for money,”recalls Gates. “I suddenly realized that we were missing a golden opportunity. Here was a […]
Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter.
“Well, Bill, I’m really confused on this call; I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you […]
> Picard: “Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your
attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you
been able to access their command pathways?”
Geordi: “Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching
[…]
WinErr: 001 Windows loaded - System unstable
WinErr: 002 No Error - Yet
WinErr: 003 Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file
WinErr: 004 Erroneous error - Nothing is wrong
WinErr: 005 Multi-tasking attempted - System confused
WinErr: 006 Multi-tasking not attempted, system still confused
WinErr: 007 System price error - Inadequate cash spent on hardware
WinErr: 008 […]
by mike popovic <carpediem@locnet.com>
The computer keeps asking you to “Insert Setup Disk 3 to continue”
There is no space left on the hard drive to store mission data.
The computer refuses to interact with the Mir’s “Mr. Java” coffee
maker.
Millions of dollars are traced to phone calls to a Redmond, WA 900 number.
[…]
You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would constitute an infringement of Microsoft’s rights). You may, however, let others smell and look at your dinner and are […]
“Wiiiiilliam Gaaaates…”
“Oh, hi, Satan. What’s up downstairs?”
“It’s tiiiiime…”
“Yeah, but we’re still debugging Memphis, and Ballmer swears he’ll wipe out Adobe before lunch, and Melinda wants to change the tile in the third-floor kitchen again, and…”
“Sorry, Bill. I’ve given you too many extensions already, not to mention the Oracle8 launch event disaster, not to mention Steve […]
‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except Papa’s mouse.
The computer was humming, the icons were hopping,
As Papa did last-minute Internet shopping.
The stockings were hung by the modem with care
In hope that St. Nicholas would bring new software.
[…]
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