Virtual Illusions

In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high
esteem. One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and
said, “Socrates, do you know what I just heard about your friend?” “Hold on a minute,” Socrates replied. “Before telling me anything I’d like you to pass a little test. It’s called the Triple Filter Test.” “Triple filter?”

“That’s right,” Socrates continued. “Before you talk to me about
my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter
what you’re going to say.

The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that
what you are about to tell me is true?”
“No,” the man said, “actually I just heard about it and…” “All right,” said Socrates. “So you don’t really know if it’s
true or not.

Now let’s try the second filter, the filter of
Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend
something good?” “No, on the contrary…” “So,” Socrates continued, “you want to tell me something bad about him,
but you’re not certain it’s true.

You may still pass the test though, because there’s one filter left: the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my
friend going to be useful to me?” “No, not really.” “Well,” concluded Socrates, “if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?” This is why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why he never found out his best friend was Screwing his wife.

Philosophy

Announcer:
Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for America’s favorite metaphysical game show - Whose God Is It Anyway? With your host, Blaise Pascal!

Studio Audience: [wild applause]

Pascal: Good evening, America, and welcome to Whose God Is It Anyway?, the metaphysical game where contestants get to wager their earthly existence against an eternity of reward. Let’s get right down to business and meet tonight’s contestant, Arthur Johnson!

A portion of the stage rotates, bringing Arthur into frame. He waves gamely to the audience

Pascal: Hello, Arthur, and welcome to Whose God Is It Anyway? Are you ready to play our little game?

Arthur: I sure am, Blaise!

Pascal: Super. Okay, now, you know how are game is played. We’re going to show you a number of conceptions of God, the divinity, and the divine. You get to select one that’s right, one - of those (makes quote symbols with fingers) “Gods.” You then have to live your life abiding by that deity’s
rules and commandments. If you’re right, you win the blessed reward of that deity….

Arthur: Whoo!

Pascal:….but if you’re wrong, you face the eternal consequences of whichever deity is the true
God!

Arthur: Um, hold on a sec….

Pascal: So let’s get cracking! Black curtain at rear of stage falls, to reveal an overwhelming number of flashing displays Now then, after we had a little problem with Thomas Hobson last week, we’ve reorganized our categories of divine conceptions but all you have to do is pick one, and we’ll let you know what it is.

Arthur: Okay how about door number eighty-seven?

Pascal: Ah, those are the Greek and Roman pantheistic gods: Zeus, Hera, Athena. Typically speaking, they require obeisance and ritual, and can bestow benefits during your material existence. However, choosing to believe in them doesn’t usually get you a different outcome in the afterlife you’re going to Hades no matter what.

Arthur: So there’s not much point, huh? How about that door over there, “Forces”
Pascal: That’s an interesting choice those are the non-anthropomorphic conceptions of the Divine. Those notions of the deity don’t have a central personality at their core, but rather a “force” Buddha nature, the Universal Spirit, Cosmic Love.

Arthur: So, what happens if I choose a different God, and the right answer is in there?

Pascal (to audience, which starts to clap): Aaah, he’s catching on! (to Arthur) Absolutely nothing, Arthur! Those essences of deity don’t have human emotions, so they neither seek (nor demand) worship or belief. Their indifference results in a nondiscriminating afterlife, so there’s no consequence to disbelieving them. That’s why so few of our contestants pick from that group.

Arthur: So I want an anthropomorphic deity, who actually cares whether people believe in him or not! Otherwise there’s not benefit. How about that big blue curtain?

Pascal: Sorry, Arthur those are the many conceptions of an anthropomorphic Gods who are indifferent to belief. The Jewish notion of Yahweh, ancestor worship, and the many tribal spirits believe or not, you’re still assured a nice place in the happy hunting grounds.

Arthur: And the black box off in the corner?

Pascal: Those are the evil deities the concept of the universe created by a dark and uncaring God, who seeks only to torment the poor mortals he creates. If the real God is in there, you’re screwed no matter what you do!

Arthur: I’m so confused….

Audience (in unison): It’s time for Pascal’s Wager!

Pascal: Yes it is, folks. You see, Arthur, while my famous wager is usually described as being a broad choice between God and atheism, it actually incorporates some very strict assumptions about the nature of God. There are countless possible religions where “God” doesn’t care whether you believe in it or not, or where believing in “God” is only advantageous in mortal existence. My Wager assumes that “God” is an anthropormorphic deity with human-style desires to be acknowledged, loved and believed in.

Arthur: Well, then, that’s the group I want to pick from!

Pascal: Okay, Arthur then here we go!The left stage wall falls away, revealing a line of small colored boxes topped with bows. Each has a line of tags. The line stretches on endlessly.

Arthur: There’s so many….

Pascal: An infinite number, actually. After all, the concept of divinity cannot be bounded. There are more possible Gods than are capable of being comprehended by our nervous systems. Thus, there are an infinite number of different possible choices that you can make and if the true divine is not the one you choose, you’re toast!

Arthur: But I can’t possibly win! Since my odds are infinitely low, I might as well choose nothing at all and enjoy my life! The only way to win is not to play! Runs off stage to begin living life to the fullest!

Pascal: Well, we’ve lost another contestant but we’ll be back next week to entice a new soul here on…. Whose God Is It Anyway?!!

By Albaby

Philosophy, Religion

A Meditation for De-stressing

Picture yourself near a stream.

Birds are softly chirping in the crisp, cool mountain air.

Nothing can bother you here. No one knows this secret
place.

You are in total seclusion from that place called “the
world.”

The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with
a cascade of
serenity.

The water is clear.

You can easily make out the face of the person whose head
you’re holding
under the water.

Look. It’s the person who caused you all this stress in
the first
place.

What a pleasant surprise. You let them up… just for a
quick breath…
then ploop!… back under they go….

You allow yourself as many deep breaths as you want.

There now… feeling better?

Philosophy

• Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
• Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The
  chicken crossed the “black man” in order to trample him and keep him
  down.
• Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken 2000, which will both
  cross roads AND balance your checkbook, though when it divides 3 by 2 it
  gets 1.4999999999.
• The Bible: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the
  chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the Chicken crossed the road,
  and there was much rejoicing.
• Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares
  why? The ends of crossing the road justify whatever motive there was.
• Freud: The fact that you thought that the chicken crossed the road
  reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
• L.A. Police Department: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I’ll
  find out.
• Timothy Leary: Because that’s the only kind of trip the Establishment
  would let it take.
• Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the
  chicken did not cross the road.
• Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were
  quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
• Saddam Hussein #2: It is the Mother of all Chickens.
• Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
  Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed it, I’ve not been
  told!
• Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.
• Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be
  free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
• Joseph Stalin: I don’t care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my
  omelette.
• Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated
  that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and,
  therefore, synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
• Locke: Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.
• Albert Camus: It doesn’t matter; the chicken’s actions have no meaning
  except to him.
• Mulder: It was a government conspiracy.
• Scully: It was a simple bio-mechanical reflex that is commonly found in
  chickens.
• Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally
  selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to
  cross roads.
• Darwin #2: It was the logical next step after coming down from the
  trees.
• Oliver Stone: The question is not “Why did the chicken cross the road?”
  but is rather “Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we
  overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?”
• Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn’t anyone
  ever think to ask, “What the heck was this chicken doing walking around
  all over the place anyway?”
• The Pope: That is only for God to know.
• Immanuel Kant: The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross
  the road of his own free will.
• Grandpa: In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road.
  Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good
  enough for us.
• M.C.Escher: That depends on which plane of reality the chicken was on at
  the time.
• George Orwell: Because the government had fooled him into thinking that
  he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only
  serving their interests.
• Colonel Sanders: I missed one?
• Plato: For the greater good.
• Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
• Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
• Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes
  also across you.
• F. Skinner: Because the external influences, which had pervaded its
  sensorium from birth, had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it
  would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of
  its own freewill.
• Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself,
  the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
• Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road
  crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
• Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?
• The Sphinx: You tell me.
• Emily Dickenson: Because it could not stop for death.
• Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn’t cross the road; it transcended it.
• Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
• O.J.: It didn’t. I was playing golf with it at the time.

Lists, Philosophy