From Allusions to Illusions
A farmer in Alabama was driving across a bridge in his pickup
truck when he noticed a man standing on the rail of the bridge
ready to jump to his death in the river below.
The man stopped his truck, ran up to the man, and said, “Hey
fellow, why are you doing this?” The man […]
Chicago:
One hand on wheel, one hand on horn:
New York:
One hand on wheel, one finger out window
New Jersey:
One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of
traffic.
Boston:
One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator:
Los Angeles:
One hand on wheel, one hand holding an […]
Alabama: Hell Yes, We Have Electricity
Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can’t Be Wrong!
Arizona: But It’s A Dry Heat
Arkansas: Literacy Ain’t Everything
California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than
Your Honda
Colorado: If You Don’t Ski, Don’t Bother
Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy’s
Don’t Own It Yet
Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water
Florida: Ask […]
You think barbecue is a verb meaning “to cook outside.”
You think Heinz Ketchup is SPICY!
You don’t have any problems pronouncing “Worcestershire sauce”
correctly.
You don’t know what a moon pie is.
You’ve never had grain alcohol.
You’ve never, ever, eaten Okra.
You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
You’ve never seen […]
We don’t keep firearms in this house.
Has anybody seen the sideburn trimmer?
You can’t feed that to the dog.
I thought Graceland was tacky.
No kids in the back of the pick-up, it’s not safe.
Wrasslin’s fake.
Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
[…]
These are real titles of real songs that, if you really wanted to,
you could go and buy on CD.
Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
Here’s A Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares
How Can I Miss […]
Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.
Don’t worry about bitin’ off more than you can chew. Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger’n you think.
If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.
Never ask a man the size of his spread.
After eating an […]
These mimic the “Washington rules” on how to conduct business in our
nation’s capital:
If it’s worth fighting for, it’s worth fighting dirty for.
Don’t lie, cheat, or steal unnecessarily.
There is always one more son of a bitch than you counted on.
An honest answer […]
Your Starship Captain just might be a redneck if….
your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month
he paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles
you have a shuttle called “Billy Joe Bob”
he refers to Klingons as “Critters”
he refers to Photon Torpedoes as “Popguns”
he has the sensor array repaired […]
Your Jedi robe is a Camouflage color.
You have ever used your Light Saber to open a bottle of Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill.
You think the best use of your light saber is picking your teeth.
At least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored.
There is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder.
You have bantha […]
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