From Allusions to Illusions
The Holy Scripture may have had a different
bent if written by college students:
The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning -
cold, with stale Coke.
The Ten Commandments would actually be only five -
double-spaced, with wide margins, and written in a large font.
Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn’t
cafeteria […]
Dear John,
As you know, we’ve been working real hard in our town to get prayer back in the schools. Finally, the school board approved a plan of teacher-led prayer with the children participating at their own option. Children not wishing to participate were to be allowed to stand out in the hallway during the prayer […]
Classes for men at our local Learning Center for Adults:
Note: Due to the complexity and difficulty level of their contents, each
course will accept a maximum of 8 participants each.
Topic 1 - How to fill up the ice cube trays. Step by step, with slide
presentation.
Topic 2 - The toilet paper roll: Do rolls grow […]
A college professor had just finished explaining an important research project to his class. He emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement for passing his class, and that there would be only two acceptable excuses for being late. Those with a medically certifiable illness or a death in the student’s immediate family.
A smart ass […]
Richard Lederer
St. Paul’s School
One of the fringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay. I have pasted together the following “history” of the world from certifiably genuine student bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eight grade through college […]
Every time she cuts her 8am class, CNN switches to a live feed from the lecture hall.
PoliSci textbook only contains pictures from her “dumpy” years.
Social life hampered by mandatory Secret Service body cavity search of potential dates.
No room in dorm for all those boxes of missing […]
Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything, tutors, flash cards, special learning centers, in short, everything that they could think of. Finally in a last ditch effort, they took Tommy down & enrolled him in the local Catholic School.
After the first day, little Tommy comes home with a […]
This was apparently hacked into a Purdue class catalogue and it
wasn’t caught until too late. The person who sent this to me swears
she’s got the catalogue . . .
Course Description for COM 666 - Principles of Intoxication
Prerequesites: Receive a failing grade in 2 of the following: COM 114,
COM 204, COM […]
I got this from a friend of a friend at Catholic University in D.C., who said this exchange is
true.
The letter to dad:
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very
hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can’t think of anything I need, $o
if you would […]
The first letter is the standard letter MIT sends out to high school
juniors who score well enough on their PSATs, the second letter is one
they got back.
April 18, 1994
Mr. John T. Mongan
123 Main Street
Smalltown, California 94123-4567
Dear John:
You’ve got the grades. You’ve certainly got the PSAT scores. […]
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