From Allusions to Illusions
Before you order a drink in public, you should read
this! Seven New York City bartenders were asked if
they could nail a woman’s personality based on what
she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they
concurred on almost all counts. The results
Beer:
Personality: Causal, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.
Blender Drinks:
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a […]
People have asked for an explanation of Marketing.
Perhaps the following analogies will help clear it up:
You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say,
“I’m fantastic in bed.” — That’s Direct Marketing.
You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your […]
Following are replies given on forms that asked for details regarding a child’s father.
Regarding the identity of the father of my twins: child “A” was fathered by Mr. X. I am unsure of the identity of the father of child “B,” but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.
I am not sure […]
(author unknown)
Okay, so I came over here to ask you to dance, but I’m kind of concerned.
I mean, we could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you’re giving me your number because I’m too shy to ask for it.
I finally get up the nerve to call […]
A college professor had just finished explaining an important research project to his class. He emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement for passing his class, and that there would be only two acceptable excuses for being late. Those with a medically certifiable illness or a death in the student’s immediate family.
A smart ass […]
An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor
asked him how he was feeling.
“I’ve never been better!” he boasted. “I’ve got an eighteen year
old bride who’s pregnant and having my child! What do you think
about that?”
The doctor considered this for a moment, then […]
Two rednecks drive to a gas station to fill up their truck. They notice a sign saying “Enter here for a chance at free sex!” They wander inside and ask the attendant how to enter. The attendant says that they have to guess a number between one and ten. The first guy guesses five, […]
Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad: You Can’t find your birth control pills
Worse: Your daughter borrowed them.
Good: Your son studies a lot in his room
Bad: You find several porn movies […]
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day and confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist […]
A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart’s birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic, but not too personal.
Accompanied by his sweetheart’s younger sister, he went to nordstrom and bought a pair of […]
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