Archive

Archive for the ‘Urban Legends’ Category

Black Robbers

February 15th, 2008

Came to me via my sister

For anyone who didn’t see David Letterman’s take on this : (And it’s a true story…)

On a recent weekend in Atlantic City , a woman won a bucketful of quarters at a slot machine. She took a break from the slots for dinner with her husband in the hotel dining room. But first she wanted to stash the quarters in her room.

“I’ll be right back and we’ll go to eat,” she told her husband

and carried the coin-laden bucket to the elevator. As she was about to walk into the elevator she noticed two men already aboard.

Both were black. One of them was tall…very tall…an intimidating figure.

The woman froze. Her first thought was : “These two are going to rob me.”

Her next thought was : “Don’t be a bigot; they look like perfectly nice gentlemen.” But racial stereotypes are powerful, and fear immobilized her.

She stood and stared at the two men.

She felt anxious, flustered and ashamed. She hoped they didn’t read her mind but gosh, they had to know what she was thinking!!! Her hesitation about joining them in the elevator was all too obvious now. Her face was flushed.

She couldn’t just stand there, so with a mighty effort of will she picked up one foot and stepped forward and followed with the other foot and was on the elevator.

Avoiding eye contact, she turned around stiffly and faced the elevator doors as they closed.

A second passed, and then another second, and then another.

Her fear increased! The elevator didn’t move. Panic consumed her.

“My God,” she thought, I’m trapped and about to be robbed! ”

Her heart plummeted. Perspiration poured from every pore. Then one of the men said, “Hit the floor.”

Instinct told her to do what they told her.

The bucket of quarters flew upwards as she threw out her arms and collapsed on the elevator floor.

A shower of coins rained down on her.

Take my money and spare me, she prayed. More seconds passed. She heard one of the men say politely, “Ma’am, if you’ll just tell us what floor you’re going to, we’ll push the button.”

The one who said it had a little trouble getting the words out.

He was trying mightily to hold in a belly laugh.

The woman lifted her head and looked up at the two men.

They reached down to help her up. Confused, she struggled to her feet. “When I told my friend here to hit the floor,” said the average sized one, “I meant that he should hit the elevator button for our floor.

I didn’t mean for you to hit the floor, ma’am.” He spoke genially.

He bit his lip. It was obvious he was having a hard time not laughing.

The woman thought : “My God, what a spectacle I’ve made of myself.”

She was too humiliated to speak She wanted to blurt out an apology, but words failed her.

How do you apologize to two perfectly respectable gentlemen for behaving as though they were going to rob you?

She didn’t know what to say.

The three of them gathered up the strewn quarters and refilled her bucket.

When the elevator arrived at her floor they then insisted on walking her to her room.

She seemed a little unsteady on her feet, and they were afraid she might not make it down the corridor.

At her door they bid her a good evening.

As she slipped into her room she could hear them roaring with laughter as they walked back to the elevator.

The woman brushed herself off.

She pulled herself together and went downstairs for dinner with her husband.

The next morning flowers were delivered to her room - a dozen roses. Attached to EACH rose was a crisp one hundred dollar bill. The card said : “Thanks for the best laugh we’ve had in years.”

It was signed;
Eddie Murphy
Michael Jordan

Humor, Urban Legends

Idiot Sightings

November 1st, 2002

Retail Idiots
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.

OSHA & Idiots
An tip from the Environmental, Health and Safety Handbook for Employees: “Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes.”

Neighborhood Idiots
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.

Food Service Idiots
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for “minimal lettuce.” He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

Sightings

  1. I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee asked, “Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?” I said, “If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?” He smiled and nodded knowingly, “That’s why we ask.”
  2. The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red. She responded, appalled, “What on earth are blind people doing driving?”
  3. At a good-bye lunch for an old and dear coworker who is leaving the company due to “downsizing,” our manager spoke up and said, “This is fun. We should have lunch like this more often.” Not another word was spoken. We just looked at each other like deer staring into the headlights of an approaching truck.
  4. I worked with an Individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her could not understand why her system would not turn on.
  5. When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door. As I watched from the passenger’s side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open. “Hey,” I announced to the technician, “It’s open!” “I know,” answered the young man. - “I already got that side.”

Urban Legends

Real Country Song Titles

December 28th, 2001

These are real titles of real songs that, if you really wanted to,
you could go and buy on CD.


  • Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure

  • Here’s A Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares

  • How Can I Miss You If You Won’t Go Away?

  • I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life

  • I Don’t Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling

  • I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me

  • I Keep Forgettin’ I Forgot About You

  • I Wanna Whip Your Cow

  • I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn’t Spell Yuck!

  • I Wouldn’t Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I’m Afraid She’d Win

  • I’d Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy

  • I’m Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life

  • I’ve Got The Hungries For Your Love And I’m Waiting In Your Welfare Line

  • If I Can’t Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You

  • If Love Were Oil, I’d Be A Quart Low

  • If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I’d Blow It All On You

  • If The Phone Don’t Ring, Baby, You’ll Know It’s Me

  • If You Don’t Leave Me Alone, I’ll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will

  • If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?

  • Mama Get The Hammer (There’s A Fly On Papa’s Head)

  • May The Bird Of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose

  • My Every Day Silver Is Plastic

  • My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was
    Breaking My Heart

  • My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him

  • Oh, I’ve Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping
    Down, But Baby I Can See Through You

  • Pardon Me, I’ve Got Someone To Kill

  • She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft; She Got The Ring And
    I Got The Finger

  • She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart

  • She’s Got Freckles On Her, But She’s Pretty

  • Thank God And Greyhound She’s Gone

  • They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can’t Stop My Face From
    Breakin’ Out

  • Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart

  • When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I’ll Think You’re Walking In

  • You Can’t Have Your Kate And Edith Too

  • You Can’t Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd

  • You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat

  • You’re The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

Lists, Regional, Urban Legends

58 Actual Newspaper Headlines

December 28th, 2001

  1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
  2. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
  3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
  4. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
  5. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
  6. Farmer Bill Dies in House
  7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
  8. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
  9. Stud Tires Out
  10. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
  11. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
  12. Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
  13. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
  14. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
  15. Eye Drops off Shelf
  16. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
  17. Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
  18. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
  19. Shot Off Woman’s Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
  20. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
  21. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
  22. Miners Refuse to Work after Death
  23. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
  24. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
  25. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
  26. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
  27. Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
  28. Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
  29. Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84
  30. War Dims Hope for Peace
  31. If Strike isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
  32. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
  33. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
  34. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
  35. Deer Kill 17,000
  36. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
  37. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
  38. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
  39. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
  40. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
  41. Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
  42. Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
  43. British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
  44. Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
  45. Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
  46. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
  47. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
  48. Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
  49. Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
  50. Air Head Fired
  51. Steals Clock, Faces Time
  52. Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff
  53. Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
  54. Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
  55. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
  56. Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
  57. Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
  58. Include your Children when Baking Cookies

Lists, Quotes, Urban Legends

Signs and Notices

December 27th, 2001

Here are some signs and notices written in English that were
discovered throughout the world.

In a Tokyo Hotel:

Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not
a person to do such a thing is please not to read notis.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:

The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time
we regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Leipzig elevator:

Do not enter lift backwards, and only when lit up.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator:

To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the
cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a
number of wishing floor. Driving is then going
alphabetically by national order.

In a Paris hotel elevator:

Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens:

Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the
hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

In a Yugoslavian hotel:

The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the
chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel:

You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from Russian Orthodox monastery:

You are welcome to visit the cemetary where famous Russian
and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily
except Thursday.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:

Not to perambulate the corriders during the hours of repose
in the boots of ascension.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:

Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

On the menu of a Polish hotel:

Salad a firm’s own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy
dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose;
beef rashers beaten up in the country people’s fashion.

Outside a Hong Kong tailer shop:

Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Bangkok dry cleaners:

Drop your trousers here for best results.

Outside a Paris dress shop:

Dresses for street walking.

In a Rhodes tailor shop:

Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute
customers in strict rotation.

From the Soviet Weekly:

There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 150,000 Soviet
Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over
the past two years.

A sign posted in Germany’s Black Forest:

It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site
that people of different sex, for instance, men and women,
live together in one tent unless they are married with each
other for that purpose.

In a Zurich hotel:

Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the
opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the
lobby be used for this purpose.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:

Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

In a Rome laundry:

Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon
having a good time.

In a Czechoslovakin tourist agency:

Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no
miscarriages.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:

Would you like to ride on your own ass?

In a Swiss mountain inn:

Special today — no ice cream.

In a Bangkok temple:

It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed
as a man.

In a Tokyo bar:

Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:

We take your bags and send them in all directions.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:

If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome
to it.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:

Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

In a Budapest zoo:

Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable
food, give it to the guard on duty.

In the office of a Roman doctor:

Specialist in women and other diseases.

In an Acapulco hotel:

The manager has personally passed all the water served
here.

In a Tokyo shop:

Our nylons cost more than common, but you’ll find they are
best in the long run.

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air
conditioner:

Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your
room, please control yourself.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:

When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.
Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles
your passage then tootle him with vigor.

Two signs from a Mojorcan shop entrance:

- English well speaking

- Here speeching American.

Translation, Urban Legends

Subtitle Fu

December 27th, 2001

These are actual subtitles taken out of old kung-fu movies, kinda funny.


  • I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.
  • Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.
  • Gun wounds again?
  • Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.
  • A normal person wouldn’t steal pituitaries.
  • Damn, I’ll burn you into a BBQ chicken!
  • Take my advice, or I’ll spank you without pants.
  • Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?
  • Quiet or I’ll blow your throat up.
  • You always use violence. I should’ve ordered glutinous rice chicken.
  • I’ll fire aimlessly if you don’t come out!
  • You daring lousy guy.
  • Beat him out of recognizable shape!
  • I have been scared shitless too much lately.
  • I got knife scars more than the number of your leg’s hair!
  • Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.
  • How can you use my intestines as a gift?
  • The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?
  • This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum. I am
    sure you will not mind that I remove your manhoods and leave them out
    on the dessert flour for your aunts to eat.
  • Yah-hah, evil spider woman! I have captured you by the short
    rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your gynecologist for a
    thorough extermination.
  • Greetings, large black person. Let us not forget to form a
    team up together and go into the country to inflict the pain of our
    karate feets on some ass of the giant lizard person.

Translation, Urban Legends

Bar Translation

December 27th, 2001

No, really, I’m OK to drive”

I’m wasted, and I am too embarrassed to have anybody see
who I am going home with.

“I’m not used to these darts”

I’m not used to throwing anything smaller than a pool cue
when I am this bombed.

“Lets go out to my car and get some cigarettes” (male to female)

You would look great face down in my lap.

“You get this one, next round is on me”

We won’t be here long enough to get another round.

“I’ll get this one, next one is on you”

Happy hour is about to end….now drafts are a dollar, but by the
next round they’ll be $4.50 a pop.

“I haven’t seen you around here for a long time”

You stuck up little bitch, too good for your old friends??

“Hey, where is that friend of yours?”

I have no interest in talking to you except as a way to get your
attractive friend into a compromising position.

“Lets get out of here”

I just dumped a half a pitcher of beer into that Harley guy’s
helmet.

“Can I get a glass of white zinfindel” (female)

I’m easy.

“Can I get a glass of white zinfindel” (male)

I’m gay.

“Ever try a body shot?” (male to female)

I am even willing to drink tequila if it means that I get to lick
you.

“Ever try a body shot?” (female to male)

If this is how wild I am in the bar, imagine what I’ll do to you
on the ride home?

“I don’t feel well, let’s go home” (female)

You are paying more attention to your friends than me.

“I don’t feel well, lets go home” (male)

I’m horny.

“I’ve had like 10 beers already”

I’ve only had 3 but need an excuse to behave this way.

“Who’s got the next round?”

I haven’t bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at
diverting attention.

“Excuse Me” (male to male)

Get the fuck out of the way.

“Excuse Me” (male to female)

I am going to grope you now.

“Excuse Me” (female to male)

Don’t even think about groping me, just get the fuck out of the way.

“Excuse Me” (female to female).

Move your fat ass. Who do you think you are anyway? You are not
all that, missy, and don’t think for one minute that you are. Coming
in here dressing like a ho…Get your eyes off of my man, or I’ll slap
you, bitch, like the slut you are.

“I’m out of here, I have to work in the morning”

I owe that guy who just walked in the door 100 bucks and have
been avoiding him since football season.

“What do you have on tap?”

What’s cheap?

“Can I have a white Russian?” (male)

I’m really gay.

“Can I have a white Russian?” (female)

I’m really easy.

“You go ahead, I’ll catch a cab”

I already lined up a ride home with your “ex”.

“That person looks really familiar”

Did I sleep with him/her?

“Can I just get a glass of water?” (female)

I’m annoying, but cute enough to get away with this.

“Can I just get a glass of water?” (male)

It’s 6:00 am and I just stopped drinking 1/2 hour ago. Hell, I probably
dropped half of my paycheck in here last night, it is the least you
can do for me.

“Do you have any Wild Turkey?”

I want to make my friend really sick so we can all laugh at him
in the morning.

“I don’t have my ID on me” (female)

I’m 19.

“I don’t have my ID on me” (male)

I don’t have a license since I got pulled over and blew a .4
after my last visit here.

Alcohol, Translation, Urban Legends

Real Officer Fitness Reports

December 27th, 2001

The British Military writes OFRs (officer fitness reports). The form used
for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206.

The following are actual excerpts taken from people’s “206s”….

  • His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
  • I would not breed from this officer.
  • This officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a
    definitely won’t-be.

  • When she opens her mouth, it seems that it’s only to change whichever
    foot was previously in there.

  • He would be out of his depth in a car-park puddle.
  • Technically sound, but socially impossible.
  • This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope — always spinning
    around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.

  • This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
  • When he joined my ship, this officer was something of a granny; since
    then he has aged considerably.

  • This medical officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to
    port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.

  • Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.
  • She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve
    them.

  • He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.
  • This Officer should go far — and the sooner he starts, the better.
  • In my opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.
  • This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
  • The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship.
  • Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a
    trap.

Government, Urban Legends

Letter from the Smithsonian

December 27th, 2001

THIS IS AN ACTUAL LETTER FROM THE ARCHIVES OF THE SMITHSONIAN…. Or so I’m told.

Paleoanthropology Division

Smithsonian Institute

207 Pennsylvania Avenue

Washington, DC 20078
Dear Sir:

Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled “211-D,
layer seven, next to the clothesline post. Hominid skull.” We have
given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to
inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents
“conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County
two million years ago.” Rather, it appears that what you have found is
the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety one of our staff, who has
small children, believes to be the “Malibu Barbie”. It is evident that
you have given a great deal of thought to the analysis of this
specimen, and you may be quite certain that those of us who are
familiar with your prior work in the field were loathe to come to
contradiction with your findings. However, we do feel that there are a
number of physical attributes of the specimen which might have tipped
you off to its modern origin:

  1. The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are
    typically fossilized bone.
  2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic
    centimeters, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified
    proto-hominids.
  3. The dentition pattern evident on the “skull” is more consistent
    with the common domesticated dog than it is with the “ravenous
    man-eating Pliocene clams” you speculate roamed the wetlands during
    that time. This latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing
    hypotheses you have submitted in your history with this institution,
    but the evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it. Without
    going into too much detail, let us say that:

    1. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has
      chewed on.
    2. Clams don’t have teeth.

It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your
request to have the specimen carbon dated. This is partially due to
the heavy load our lab must bear in its normal operation, and partly
due to carbon dating’s notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent
geologic record. To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were
produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon dating is likely to produce
wildly inaccurate results. Sadly, we must also deny your request that
we approach the National Science Foundation’s Phylogeny Department
with the concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name
“Australopithecus spiff-arino.” Speaking personally, I, for one,
fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but
was ultimately voted down because the species name you selected was
hyphenated, and didn’t really sound like it might be Latin.

However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating
specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a hominid fossil,
it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of
work you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly. You should know that
our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the
display of the specimens you have previously submitted to the
Institution, and the entire staff speculates daily on what you will
happen upon next in your digs at the site you have discovered in your
back yard. We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation’s capital
that you proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing
the Director to pay for it. We are particularly interested in hearing
you expand on your theories surrounding the “trans-positating
fillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix” that makes the
excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus rex femur you recently discovered
take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman
automotive crescent wrench.

Yours in Science,

Harvey Rowe

Curator, Antiquities

Science, Urban Legends

Mr. Gorsky Gets Lucky

December 27th, 2001

The person who sent this to the person who sent it to me has it on good authority that this one is true . . .


When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous “One Small Step for Man, One Giant Leap for Mankind” statement, but followed it by several remarks - usual COM traffic between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control. Before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark “Good luck, Mr. Gorsky.”

Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian nor American space programs.

Over the years, many people have questioned him as to what the “Good luck, Mr. Gorsky” statement meant. On July 5, in Tampa Bay, FL, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. He finally responded. It seems that Mr. Gorsky had died and so Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, Neil was playing baseball with his brother in the backyard. His brother hit a fly ball which landed in front of his neighbors’ bedroom window. The neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorksy. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, he heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, “Oral sex? Oral sex you want? You’ll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!”

Urban Legends